RANDOM OBSERVATION...entitled..yup...I'm a lesbian

Ok, so a few days ago i was talking with Sammy and we were talking about how sometimes we're afraid the liking girls things is all in our heads...Of course i die a little in side when i hear Sam say that but whatever. But,while texting Sam, i root around in this months magazines. I read through all the clothes ones and next thing i know, im reading the Victoria's secret one. While bra catalog searching, i sit up violently and think, Damn, Kyo. You're pretty much a total lesbian. And while this shouldn't be shocking to me, i mean I've dated girls, I've kissed girls, but every time i realize it, its a revelation. Like literally a snap your fingers, praise the Lord revelation. I mean, guys are nice. I know plenty of guys whom every time I see them i'm just like....DAMN. But still, most of my dating, kissing, and feelings have been with girls, for girls and girls alone. But i mean whatever. The kids at my school pretty much think I'm a lesbian, which hurts a little, and I'm treated differently because it, but I call my best friend wifey...And publicly dated Sammy, who is as stereotypical a lesbian as they come...except maybe Anna... I mean, I'm not a lesbian. I would call myself pansexual, if i called myself anything at all. Most of the time I just kinda tell people to f*ck off if they ask...I'm not a social butterfly who wants her business broadcasted, sue me. But where I live, bisexuality is a growing population, that is sometimes exploited by girls who want popularity or to be noticed, no matter which actually bi girls they drag down with them. And i notice that everywhere even in some of my friends. But, people have just excepted that bi is a sexuality, but they think pansexuality is bull. But even in accepting cities like where i live, people still have to make fun of something and pan falls into that category at the moment. :( Either way... Bye that one person who actually reads this!!!

Bye love(s?), KYO

         

           KYO IS AN EMOTIONAL WRECK: CHAPTER TWO


Sometimes i just think i need a good b*tch slap to the face. With a chair. Sam and I tried again. It didn't work. Again. And last week she said, something akin to i really think we can work, and i want us to work. But that would be playing with your feelings if it didn't, i'm so sorry, you're my best friend, etc. And of course i f*cking melted and cried and told her it was alright. Jesus Christ. I'm  trying to recall how long and how many bloody times we've tried again. HOLY F*CK. She's asked me out around eight times. We've been together for...probably three or three and a half months total. Maybe even less. I think I'm leading my self in circles. But i really really...Well i don't know if i love her. I don't really believe in that. But i need her. That sounds pretty weird. I love her. And even not as romantically i want the best for her. And damn it when she doesn't let me... Give her everything she deserves. And maybe i don't deserve her. I don't even need anything in return. I just want her to be happy and safe. Even if it isn't with me.

Bye loves, KYO

              KYO IS AN  EMOTIONAL WRECK: Chapter 1

Hello blog. Can you tell by the title how crappy my month has been? Sooooo. Sammy got dumped by her asshole boyfriend. He obviously couldn't care less about her, but she fell hard for him. He is the biggest asshat. He's a dick. He's a douchebag. He's a horrible person. I have no sympathy for him, because he is not a good person. Either way, i asked Sammy if i had any chance of her ever wanting to go out again. And i received a cryptic "Maybe, Or not". Damn that girl. I kinda wished she would have said no. Because  Kyo's got her eye on another girl. And i know for certain that she likes me. She's adorable, and a real badass, and super talented. But, if Sammy wanted to get back together, i'd totally do it. And feel terrible for for leaving Anna. I apparently have this thing for falling for girls who are waaaay too awesome and hot for me. Sadness.
So, a friend, suggested that I figure my self out, sexuality and type wise. I don't really know why, but
i think i will. Soooo. I'm definitely not straight. And that's all i can really say. Am i a lesbian? Pansexual? Bi?
No f*cking idea. I like girls. Romantically and sexually. I think boys can be cute. Sexually and romantically they're terrifying. My type? Badasses. Girls with a sense of humor. Girls who can totally deal with my socially awkwardness. Girls who can take care of me, as well as letting me take care of them. They also tend to have colored hair. :)

Bye loves, KYO

HELLO.

Hello blog. Well... It's been at least a year since I blogged and it makes me grimace to read the last post. Update on my romantic life, Gracie and I lasted about 3 and a half months. And now we barely speak. Hehe. Oh the irony. Kyo got herself another girlfriend. And then we broke up too. Problem is I am still oh so desperately in love with her.  She's hilarious and beautiful and independent and creative and everything I wish I was. Let's call her... Sammy. Hehehe. Another joke you couldn't possibly understand. I've had a major crush on Sammy for...3 years. Sammy was my friend for all that time, but she and Grace didn't get along. So Grace convinced me that she was all bad, and I believed her. And those were my closeted years. Totally in love with Sam, and desperately confused about whether girls could like girls. Sammy tells me she'd like to go out. I freak and turn her down. And then Gracie asked me out and I told myself Sam didn't matter. Plus to my knowledge, Sammy liked a girl who wasn't me.  Grace and i break up and Sammy and i get close. We text and I wonder if my love sickness is totally obvious. For a year i wish i had said yes. She asks me out at a valentines dance. I say yes. We go out for a while and eventually she says she just needs a friend. And I'm left, still in love, never actually told her that. She's already moved on. I have no idea what to do. She's one of my best friends,  but she can be a real fucking bitch. (AND that, ladies and gents, is why I love her). So quite recently, she texted me. It said "Kyo, what's your middle name, because when i propose to you i want to get down on one knee and say Kyo, my best friend, and the best person I'll ever know will you do the honor of becoming my wife?"And she convinced me to make a pact, that if she turns 32 and we're both single, she'd marry me. And then she got a boyfriend. So. My life is fucking complicated.

Bye loves,
Kyo